At the beginning of lock-down, besides the anxieties, I set myself a structure. I was exercising three or four times a week and then walking every evening. My body and mind felt good. For some reason since mid July, I’m even struggling to even get out for a walk. This new life has finally taken it’s toll on me, does anybody else feel the same?
I’m not sure why, but the only thing I can think about at the moment is around the uncertainties that are upon us; will we end up in a local lock-down? When can I book my next holiday without the worry of potentially having to isolate? The feeling of not being in control of things, isn’t my fave if I’m honest! I’ve been having the most anxiety for the past 6 weeks in the form of chest pains which I have never experienced before, totally weird but I guess sometimes, a way of our bodies talking to us! Not for a pity party but I know it’s mainly due to the current situation we are all facing and the fact that I sadly lost my granddad through a series of unfortunate events. A very sad time for me and my family, even more so with the current restrictions.
As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, being self-employed definitely has its benefits but equally has it’s disadvantages. I can probably relate this to some of you, who will be in a heavily commission based roles. Time out is time (when you are the money driver), not making money. So, do we deserve to have a break too? YES, of course we do! If we were in an employed role getting a regular salary, we wouldn’t think twice about taking our annual leave. Today I realised that I have actually only had a few days off since Christmas. No wonder my brain is frazzled and I seriously can’t be arsed with life...
Today was the day that I took action and next week we have decided to pop away for a couple of days just to switch off and getaway, UK of course! Besides that, I have decided that I am going to have the WHOLE week off. I feel like a mad woman but my business and life will totally feel the benefit and appreciate the re-connection, post break...I hope, ha...
It’s so easy to become consumed with all these amazing people, who to be quite frank, look like they totally have their shit together and start comparing myself to them. They have rubbish times too. I’ve gained some weight this past month, purely because I haven’t exercised, I know that. So today is the day that I pick up my ‘feel sorry for myself’ bag and man up! (Or woman up) to keep it PC and all that.
On a positive note, I’ve created myself a new shiny spreadsheet to track all my in-comings, outgoings, tax bill savings and so on and for once, I actually feel like a have a full handle on my finances. It feels AMAZING.
“Control the things you can, and learn to ride the things you can’t”. It’s a learning curve but I’m definitely on it!
Anyway, thank you for checking in and I hope that you find comfort in knowing that we all have life going on. Nothing is perfect 100% of the time but at the moment I’m just celebrating my little wins, until life resumes to as normal as it possibly can do and Covid allows me to get back to the bits that I love most about my job. The way I have to do my work for now is far from ideal, so I haven’t been enjoying it as much. But this isn’t forever, I just have to be patient and accept it will take some time.
‘See’ you soon,